i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
