i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
