Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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