I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We have started to decorate penises.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
