sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
