Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
