I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
