I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
