I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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