you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
