Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the day after is always just damage control
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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