he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
