Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
