Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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