you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
