Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
