Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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