i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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