i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
