Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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