Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
