Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
