super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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