Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
