can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
