First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
