your thong is hanging out like whoa
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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