i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
