all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
