the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
