I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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