i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
