Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
