We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
