why didn't you poke me back
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
