You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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