Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
