Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
