Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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