life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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