would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
