Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
