Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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