im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So many bounce houses so little time
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
