i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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