Barsexuality is the new black.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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