Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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