you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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