He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
