This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
