I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
