It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
