I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
