I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
