Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
