At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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