I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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