Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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