My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize