She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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