We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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