Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
