About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
