My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
