I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
