Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
