I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
